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More Than Just A Grade
Copyright © 2009 Kay K. Gruder, SuccessfulCollegeParenting.com
During this time of year you are likely awaiting your child’s grades, so whether you are expecting A’s, B’s, C’s or D’s you are probably curious about what your son’s or daughter’s grades really reflect about him or her as a student and learner.
If your child is in college, gone are the days of the report card coming home addressed to you, and ever present is the Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act (FERPA), giving parents only “certain rights” and typically requiring your child to complete a permission form to release their grades to you. You can imagine that some parents are left in more suspense than others, depending on the arrangement that they have with their child, and I know many parents who successfully adopt the “If you want me to pay for next semester’s tuition, then you need to make your grades available to me” approach.
So, what have been your impressions of your child’s grades?
For many parents grades seem to fall into four categories:
Category 1: Grades that are celebrated
Category 2: Grades that are difficult to fathom (failing gym)
Category 3: Grades that appear poor (and might also reflect poor effort)
Category 4: Grades that seem to be nearly indistinguishable (C+/B-)
But do the grades really tell you what you want to know?
As a society, there is great emphasis placed on getting A’s, and early-on children are exposed to infomercials announcing the latest system for achieving them. While writing this article I conducted an Internet search using the term, “How to Get A’s” and 4,300,000 results emerged with the first several pages featuring “how to” advice and products designed to help students achieve A’s in high school and college. Even in our own family systems we can probably think of occasions where the mad pursuit of an A became a family affair, quite possibly at the expense of the child truly understanding the subject matter.
More than an ascribed number or letter to which we react, what do our child’s grades really mean to our child? Do we ever deepen our conversations to ask:
So tell me about this grade?
What went into you getting that grade?
What might you do differently next time?
What did you learn about yourself in getting that grade?
Asking questions about our child’s experiences learning is more revealing and rewarding than just seeing or reacting to a grade.
As an example, my friend’s son was failing a course, but after realizing that his strategies weren’t working and anticipating his parents’ reaction, his resourcefulness kicked in. He began to periodically meet with the professor to double-check the assignments, and through these conversations he found out that others in the class were struggling too. He ended up organizing a study group with one of the departmental tutors and he was able to bring his grade up to a C+. Both the student and the faculty member were delighted with the progress; and getting that C was a significant educational experience for him. At a glance, one might assume that my friend’s son was a poor achiever, but in actuality quite the opposite was true!
Consider creating time to talk with your child about his or her educational experience, because whether your child is 9 or 19, this type of conversation will:
- enable your child to share successes in his or her own voice;
- give your child the opportunity to process challenges with a bit of distance from the pressures of school;
- create brain-space for your child to think about what he or she might want to do differently in the future;
- reinforce that you value your child’s perspectives on his or her learning.
R. Buckminster Fuller was truly onto something when he said,
“If I ran a school, I’d give the average grade to the ones who gave me all the right answers, for being good parrots. I’d give the top grades to those who made a lot of mistakes and told me about them, and then told me what they learned from them.”
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Kay Kimball Gruder
